Hello all!  I know I have essentially fallen off the face of the planet, but I am alive and well.  We have had many health hiccups over the last few years but have survived and thrived!

My HOH and I have had many discussions over our failed attempts to maintain a much needed LDD lifestyle and have had our "come to Jesus" conversation.  We are officially back on track.  I have had a few spankings already.  I anticipate being active once more on this blog- not that anybody is even following it anymore, which is alright.  I am doing this for me, and for my HOH.  If anybody is still out there, I hope you are all doing well!!!

Here we are.

Things are coming along.  I was punished Friday night for not calling my HOH Sir, forgetting to put the clothes in the dryer, and forgetting my cell phone at home.  I think we are still struggling with insufficient discipline.  It hurts. don't get me wrong, but not enough to make me cry.  In the world of LDD, it is like we are doing this half ass.  Knowing that I will be punished has definitely changed the way I spend my days.  I try to always have the house cleaned and the dishes done, but I still feel like I need more structure.  I don't know.  I can suggest things to him but I kind of feel like I am backseat HOHing.  Does anybody else deal with those feelings?  How do we overcome them?

I definitely feel like I am in a better place, submissionwise, then I was a few months ago, but I am nowhere near that Actual Submissive State.  I am just going along with the motions it feels.  I don't think either one of us feels like this wasn't a good thing for us.  We are spending more quality time together working on our relationship. 

Always In the Mood?

So I know that I have a punishment coming to me.  My HOH specifically asked me to wash his clothes.  I forgot to put them in the dryer.  Not good, I know.  He has been working a lot lately and informed me that he hasn't forgotten or ignored it, that I will be punished on Friday night. 

Sooooo, on a side note.  Since we started this, I feel like I am always sexually aroused.  I am masturbating multiple times per day.  I am ALWAYS thinking about sex and am constantly wet.  He has been so busy with work and is so tired.  How do I go about getting it?   Do I simply wait for him to want it or do I assert myself more to get it?  What is the "submissive" thing to do???  Help?  I am horny!!!

The Massage for The Master

I did as I was told and I feel very good about it.  I gave my HOH a nice, relaxing massage with a Happy Ending.  I then washed him and dried him.  I picked the ping pong paddle for my spanking and I was very obedient and did not struggle.  I accepted my spanking in a very submissive manner.  My HOH told me that he forgave me.  He licked me and pampered me for his own enjoyment and we made love. 

This time everything feels so different.  It feels more real, a way of life, as opposed to a game with sporatic rules.  The consistency is key, I know.  I feel very loved and cherished.  My HOH even made me chocolate chip pancakes later in the evening.  It is a wonderul feeling to be taken care of so much.  I just want to please him more. 

I know I probably lost a lot of followers going so long without updating.  Is anybody still out there?

Residuals from the Wedding Weekend

So my husband was in a wedding this weekend.  It was crazy hectic.  He was gone all day on Friday and Saturday which left me to run all of the "wedding prep" errands and get the two kids dressed and ready (ages 3 & 5) for the weekend's activities.  I felt like I was a  chicken, running around with my head cut off.  It was crazy.  I thought I handled things well, though.  We were always on time, presentable, smiling.  I did have one slip up on Saturday morning.  My HOH had called about 10 minutes after he had walked out of the door to apologize for not giving me a preemptive spanking to help motivate me to stay on my best behavior for the rest of the weekend.  I was frazzled, trying to herd the kids, when he called and was pretty annoyed at his reasons for making me drop everything and run to get the phone.  I was angry and hung up on him.  Well, I said good-bye and the conversation was pretty much over, but it was disrespectful nonetheless. 

With the wedding going into the wee hours of morning and festivites continuing on through Sunday morning, we were exhausted.  Incident forgotten?  No.  My HOH sent me an e-mail this morning giving me detailed  instructions on what I am to do tonight after the children go to bed.  I am to strip and await inspection in the bedroom.  (I had laser hair removal this morning- legs, underarms, and full bikini- he wants to see the results).  Then I am to strip him and give him a massage with massage oil.  The massage should have a "happy ending".  Then I am to warm up the shower and bring him in and wash off all of the massage oil.  Then I am to pick the implement I feel like I have earned and lay face down on the bed, awaiting my spanking.

I guess I am happy that he didn't let the incident slide.  I will try to follow his orders as he wishes.  I will let you know.  I am being beckoned right now to put the kids to bed.

Implementation

I had my first Maintenance Spanking last night.   We have recently obtained a bunch of new implements varying from a new flogger, to new canes, to a new loopy johnny.  My HOH gave my bottom a taste of everything last night so that I would know which implements to fear the most.  He also inserted the ginger root for 4 minutes.  It was horrible.  He warned me that ginger root punishments could last up to 20 minutes.  That fear is a real deterrance to behave, I will tell you. 

He took very good care of me after my discipline.  We had sex twice last night and both times were fantastic.  I felt very loved and seure. 

This morning I felt the sting of the spanking on my bottom while I was in the shower.  I have been wanting him to come home and touch me sooo badly.  I feel obedient and eager to do my chores to please him.  I still feel awkward calling him Sir at certain times, but at ease with it at others.  During intercourse last night it felt very natural. 

We are off to a running start!

Submission Training

The last time we made a genuine effort at this lifestyle I really struggled with obtaining Actual Submission, accepting my place both internally and externally.  This time we are really trying to focus on that.  For at least 30 minutes every evening we are spending time working on it.  I am trying to call my HOH "Sir".  I am getting my chores done. 

I have my first maintenance spanking tomorrow night and I know that it is going to be intense.  He is really committed to making a lasting impression on me (quite literally, I think).  We have a plethera of new implements and I know he wants to experiment with them all.  I am on my best behaviour in anticipation, I guess.  I am also eager for it.  Eager and Afraid.  Does that make any sense???