Discovering LDD

While fooling around on the internet I discoved the LovingDD website. I was immediately intrigued. I starting talking about the articles with my husband. This is where my journey begins...
5.22.09
Last night my HOH and I talked about entering into a LDD lifestyle. I am so very excited about this. I think for a long time I have been craving discipline and direction. I am not good at boundaries. I have never had to deal with them before. Pretty much my entire life I have been able to do what I want, when I want. I have never really had to deal with accountability. I think this has been a disservice to me and my well being. For example, I have never really had a job…. Not a real job. My so called “real jobs” have never lasted more than one year. I don’t think I have ever had the discipline to really commit. The same can be said about the way I live at home. Disorganized, sloppy, lazy. It is not something to be proud of. It was one thing to exist this way before I had kids, but now I have their well being to think of. One would think this would be motivation enough, but, obviously, it hasn’t been. So I know that I need more direction, or correction. I want accountability.
I have always been drawn to submission. I really don’t know why, but it has always invoked a liberating feeling within me. I feel like I have to be in control all of the time and it is so nice to just submit and be taken care of. I think LDD carries the potential of harmony, reverence and peace.
I also welcome the closeness it will bring between me and my HOH. I have a wonderful husband. I really do. I know this. Somehow, however, I find that I take him for granted a great deal. I put him down a lot, disrespect him, downplay the things he does for me and my family. I don’t want to be this way. I want to savor him, honor him, and show him how grateful I am to him for giving me the life I lead. Truly, I have been blessed. When we dabbled in the submissive lifestyle, it had an immediate response in our relationship. I immediately respected my husband more and catered to him and our families needs.
I am hoping that LDD will help me to be a better wife and mother. I want to be guided. I need that behavior modification to motivate me. Some of my chores I hope to do on a daily basis include laundry. I want to never be more than two loads behind. Clothes folded and not left piled on the dining room table- actually put away. Dishes washed completely and family toys put away every night before going to bed. Dinner made for the family at least 4 weeknights. I also want to stick to a budget. I willingly admit that I have no regard for money. I don’t even think about it. I need to learn responsibility in this. I hope to be able to earn money based on good behavior.
I have to admit that I am a little weary of the “tearful spankings” that I am willingly welcoming into my future. I have been playfully spanked, erotically, and had some punishment- but nothing to the degree that is necessary to a having a successful LLD lifestyle. I am anticipating a great deal of pain to my backside in order to bring me to tears. And then to envision being spanking severely once I start to cry is a little intimating. I must say, however, that the articles I have read about “tearful spanking” have really peaked my interest. I am hoping that I DO feel that cathergic healing that comes with the punishment. I am hoping that I do feel stress relief and a closer connection to my HOH.
I envision my first Spanking Initiation to include being strip naked. I hope my HOH scolds me about the shortcomings in my current lifestyle and how I have disrespected him, our family, and our home with my laziness and lack of motivation. He will tell me that we are going to work together to make this LLD a positive experience for the family and my well being. He will commit to thoroughly and consistently spanking me to tears (and apparently then some) for my well being and personal growth. He will tell me that he is proud of me for being willing to better myself for him and our kids. Then I will get my first spanking. I hope that afterwards, he sits me down and we talk about what he expects from me. We can talk about behavior that will lead to punishment – disobedience, disrespect and dishonesty. He can go over my chores in the home, expectations with regards to money, sex, anything he needs from me. We will discuss our Maintenance Spanking schedule- or he will tell me what it is… then after we’ve gone over all of his expectations, I will be put in the Corner to think about what I need to do. Then I will go immediately into a Maintenance Spanking and be spanked through tears for the second time that night. I think that would be a strong initiation for us.
I do have concerns that my HOH will not be able to thoroughly punish me to the extreme necessary to make this effective. I do hope I don’t make it more difficult for him. I am certain that I will test him a lot in the beginning, with the “I am not in the mood” type of behavior. I hope he calls me out on it and adds Disobedience Discipline to my punishment when I act out like this. I know he can push through this by consistently punishing me, that just hasn’t been a strength of his in the past.
I have ordered the LLD book and we will both read it. I hope my HOH takes an active interest in this and gives it a solid shot. The benefits are so great. After two years of weight watchers I was totally able to change my eating habits and I no longer need the meetings… it is my hope that after living with LDD for a year I will be able to say that I am a wonderful housewife and mother with only little ongoing discipline. I just need the guidance to get there.