My Introductory Spanking

I was told to go upstairs, set out the paddle and belt. I sat on the bed and waited for him. I was so very nervous. When he came up, he sat on the bed and told me that my behavior over the course of our marriage has left a lot to be desired. The was I keep the house ( I am a stay at home Mom) is embarrassing and I am not being a very good mother to our kids. I never cook, I rarely clean, and I am lazy. I sit on my computer all day instead of keeping the housework up or engaging meaningfully with our kids. He told me that I have been disrespectful to him, our family, and our home.

He told me that LDD will motivate me and that once we begin, he is committe 100% to making it work. No exceptions. He will demand 100% respect, honesty, and obedience all of the time. Infractions will be dealt with swiftly and thoroughly.

I was then told to stand up and strip completely. I then laid over his knee and he proceeded to spank me with his hand, belt, and paddle. He scolded me the entire time about how my kids are suffering and learning horrible habits from me. He told me how my lack of good mothering is damaging their childhoods and burdening my HOH will a great deal of stress and resentment towards me.

He kept going on, spanking me and scolding me, and I did cry. Afterwards, he held me. He then left me alone with my journal and told me to write. This is what I wrote...

Well, I survived. My bottom is burning and I definitely cried. The experience was not what I had expected but it was definitely cathartic. What ultimately made me cry was hearing my HOH talk about what I have been doing to our kids. I have been so selfish and I am wasting the best days, their childhood days by simply being lazy. O am so sorry for it. This experience has really opened my eyes to that. I feel focused now. I feel like my priorities have shifted and suddenly all of the ridiculous things that I have been so important during my days are just that, ridiculous. I want to hug my kids, cook with my daughter- make pancakes together. I feel cleansed and so appreciative of what I have in my life. I have been taking time for granted- the most precious part of life.
I know that I can do this. Change. I feel that I have already shifted. I was dreading this all day but now I feel so confident that the LDD path is a gift to my family. I want to go to the grocery store- I can honestly say that I have never had that thought before. I am looking forward to my summer as time to laugh and play with my kids.
I know I have been so disrespectful to my HOH in the past but I have never been more proud of him than I am right now. He has put up with so much abuse from me for so long. It is true what the LLD website had stated, I feel so loved, so adored, so revered by him. I haven’t truly shown him, appreciated him for being so amazing. I feel closer to him already.
I am realizing that I have kept myself at arms length. I don’t think I have ever really let him in all the way into my soul. When I started to cry, I instinctive tried to hold them back, instead of letting myself sob. I wanted to hide my tears, I was embarrassed by them. It dawned on me that I felt the urge to hold them back from him seeing the true, raw effects of this experience. Sharing the guilt, letting him see was healing. I feel so much “more” for him. I don’t even have words to describe how in awe of him I am right now.
When I first found the site, I felt drawn to it more as a sexual fantasy, or as a short term “game”. Now, I have to admit that I am shocked to the core over how deeply transforming this experience was- and we are only starting out. I forsee my marriage bonds to be strengthened. I feel the level of intimacy between me and my HOH will reach new heights.
I also feel that I will be so much happier with myself as a person, wife, mother, and woman. I have felt inadequacies, based on my shortcomings, thinking “that’s just who I am, what I a am capable of”. Now I feel capable of being it all. I can still have my freedoms, but be the positive influence, the contributor, to my family. I don’t need to carry the guilt of failing my kids and burdening my husband with stress. I can be a better person and be able to look back and know that I gave them the best of me.
I know that my marriage will be better. He won’t resent me. We can enjoy each other so much more. I underestimated the positive feeling I would get from being punished. Does this make me an antifeminist? I don’t know. I don’t really get why this would work so well. But I already feel that it has.
I feel so grateful to my HOH for considering this, trying it. I know that it was difficult for him emotionally. I hope he had a cathartic experience by getting it all out there through his scolding of me. I think he did experience that. I adore him and I haven’t shown him the respect he deserves. I want to dote on him. I feel unworthy of his affections. I don’t want to disappoint him. I want to make him proud of me. I will. I am confident that by continuing the path, 6 months will bring great change. I won’t be lazy come December… Last year, we half ass put up the tree- no ornaments, even. I really short changed my kids. This year we will decorate the entire (clean and uncluttered) house for the holidays with the kids. I am ready to make those lasting favorite family memories.
Wow. Shocked. Calmed. Loved. Forgiven. Optamistic. Excited. Energized. Engaged. Connected. Trusting. Enamored. Obedient. Proud to obey such an amazing man. He has catered to me for so long, it is my turn to cater to him. I know he will continue to spoil me, but not I will SO show him how grateful I am to him. I will make myself worthy of such pampering.
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My HO returned to the bedroom, having journaled himself. We read eachother's entries and had a wonderfully intimate conversation. I felt so close to him. We then discussed his expectations for me.

He then directed me to return over his knee for my first Maintenance Spanking. My bottom was already pretty raw so it was more painful the second time around. I did cry out at one point, but I was very good and did not try to cover myself or squirm.

He held me once more once it was over, then told me to submit and thank him for my punishment by giving him Oral Sex. I did. He then returned to favor because he was so proud of me for taking the first steps towards being a better person.