I am amazed at the positive impact...

I am amazed at the positive impact this lifestyle has had on our marriage in only a few days. Last night I cuddled my HOH all night long. That is something that hasn’t happened in too many years for me to remember. I want to touch him all of the time. I can’t get enough of him. I feel like I am a teenager all over again.

Last night we went out to dinner. I was disrespectful to my HOH on two instances. When we entered the restaurant, I walked away from my HOH, leaving him to deal with the kids. I thought he was right behind me but I really should have waited for him to be certain. Then when he reprimanded me, I gave him a half ass apology. He was aggravated with me, as he should have been, but very lenient. I did not get punished for either misbehavior.

I should have been punished. We are still settling into a routine but we need to work on consistent discipline. I need to know that each act of misbehavior will be punished every single time. It will help me tremendously to know that I will be accountable to my HOH for each and every misbehavior. It will help me to be consistent in my actions.

This morning I got another preemptive discipline, this time with the hairbrush. There was not much warm up and it smart! I could see a long spanking with the hairbrush to be very effective. I did not get my maintenance spanking last night. My HOH goes back and forth between whether I need one or two maintenance spankings per week. I definitely think I need at least two at this point. I am obedient and respectful at home when we are in our LDD element but I am finding that my immediate response in certain situations is to challenge my HOH’s authority. I still have not fully submitted to his place as HOH. This is why I believe the maintenance spankings are so vital to us right now. We are still balancing on a tightrope with our LDD relationship. We need to set a solid foundation from the start.

My HOH stayed home today and we had amazing sex. It was hot, raw, lustful sex. Like I said, I can’t keep my hands off of him. The more he asserts himself as HOH, the more attracted I am to him. I am finding myself to be so much happier in this lifestyle. I feel like I am doing something with my days, things that I can be proud of, not just wasting them away like I had been doing in the past. I feel like I am a more active participant in my marriage, which is ironic because I am more submissive in the relationship. LDD has triggered some deeply buried inherent need for feminine submission. I feel like the spanking is helping to strip away all of society’s preaching of what I should feel and how I should act and letting my instinctive nature shine through. I am able to let go so much more.

I think this will have a profound effect of the fulfillment I get during intercourse. As I have learned from my spankings, I have a difficult time letting go of my emotional control. I think this has held me back during sex as well. I think as I am taught to submit, both through spanking through tears, which is very humbling, and humiliation training, I will learn to completely lay myself bare to my HOH. It will strip away the emotional barriers I have set up and allow my inner self to flow freely. I will learn to really let it go and release it all for my HOH to see.

That will be a huge step. It will likely be gradual change. I know that crying during my introductory spanking helped me with this tremendously. It was humbling, it was cathartic, it was a release. I felt so close to my HOH afterwards. I felt bare and emotionally exposed. It was very intimate. I truly see the benefit of being spanked to tears.

I never realized the depth of change that would occur as a result of LLD. I am so grateful. I am excited to know that we have just scratched the surface of the powerful benefits of this lifestyle. Already, the effects are profound. I feel like I’ve spent the first 9 years of my marriage hugging my HOH while wearing a thick wool coat. Everything was muffled and my movements were restricted. Now I feel like I am stripped down to my bikini, finally really able to feel the warmth of the sun and the cool ocean waves. I feel cleansed and refreshed. It is wonderful.