Accountability

So my HOH has given me instructions to list 15 things that I wanted to change about the way I live my life and grade my progress. The things I wanted to change are so broad, it is difficult to define in 15 specific things. I am going to grade myself pre-immobility.

1. Organize the house- B. I have been doing a good job of this. The house has been clean every night, dishes done- for the most part. I was doing laundry daily. I cleaned out the pantry.

2. Cooking- C. I have trying to make dinner. This is still a challenge to me. It is difficult to know what to make and how to fit it into my diet. I have been eating poorly.

3. Quality Time with Kids- B+. We’ve had floor picnics and cooked together. My 5 year old and I spend some time together every day while the 3 year old is napping, doing puzzles, games, or painting nails.

4. Respecting my HOH- B-. This is difficult to rate because my views and his views differ. There is no clear path of what is acceptable for me. I feel that I need to be punished more regularly for disrespect so I learn my place in this regard.

5. Laundry-C. I started our strong by fell behind. I still have unfolded clothes on the table and bags in the bathroom.

6. Swallowing- D. I don’t know what happened here, it’s like I lost the ability! Seriously, how does that happen??? I am gagging all the time now.

7. Submit to my HOH- D. Overall, I am failing this, I think. I am not mentally submitting and randomly physically submitting. I need more consistency. I need more discipline for disobedience. It is a slippery slope and it is easy to fall back into bad habits. I know I need submission training.

8. Adore my HOH- C. I think this goes hand in hand with submission.

9. Let go during sex-D. I think this will improve as I gain more humility with my HOH.

10. Teaching Our 3 year old- C. I have spent some time trying to teach him his letters. He can be difficult and I lose patience.

11. Do a Project around the house per week- A-. I was very proactive with this. I had done the pantry and was moving into the kitchen cabinets. I think we I am back into the swing of things, this will fall into place.

12. Keeping track of expenses-C-. I was 100% on track until last week, I think I haven’t written anything down since then.

That’s all I have been able to come up with. Overall, I know I have made a step in the right direction, but since last week, have slid back into some bad habits. I need to refocus. I know that I am due for some intense discipline in the near future. I think it will help me to get back on track. I still don’t have 100% confidence that my HOH will swiftly and thoroughly hold me accountable for my infractions and it is letting me blow off my responsibilities. The more consistent my punishment, the harsher, the more I will improve my own consistency. I know my HOH is planning on buying the Loopy Johnny and ginger root to punish me through figging. I anticipate that he will become more strict in the future, which will help me to learn my boundaries. I know once I truly come to accept my place beneath his authority, we will be happier together. I need to learn that his word is law and that I do not question him. I haven’t gotten to that point yet. I want to better myself. I know we will get there together.