Thank you everybody who has been leaving comments on this blog. We have been reading them and discussing them and I really appreciate your time and interest in us. I haven’t figured out how to Respond to them yet (if somebody can offer some assistance , that would be great…) but you are not being ignored. Thanks for your input!
Okay, so light of day, morning after point of view. I don’t know where I want to go from here. Part of me is fed up with LDD because I don’t know if my husband can really truly be the Dominant enough to make this work AND I don’t know if I can relinquish control enough to properly submit. There are times when I really want to, that maybe I would be less conflicted, more happy and settled, if I could just surrender like that, but I don’t know if I am really capable of it. I don’t know if my HOH can bring that out of me. The control is a lot to give up and, although I want to, I don’t know if I can 100% do it.
The other part of me wishes that he would have just overpowered me last night and broken me into submission once and for all. I was so emotionally charged but was so cut off from him. He knows I shut him out emotionally last night. He took it. He was hurt and angered by it, but he took it.
I am frustrated. Last week, after my introductory discipline, I felt this shift in my inner self. It felt wonderful, safe, protected. Now I feel like I have shifted back to where I was before, only let more unsettled. I’m angry, almost. Does any of this make sense?
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To communicate with us and a lot of folks experienced in variations of this DD life style register on spanking classics:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.spankingclassics.com/home.html
Then you can post questions or send private messages. Identify yourselves by posting you blog.
There are women there who have converted their husbands into confirmed spanking HOH's.
It takes time and communication to find the DD lifestyle that suits you. There are no rules that fit every couple. Sean and I would be glad to help if you like. Bear in mind that we never embraced strict LDD. He has never spanked me to tears or humiliated me. He loves and cherishes me and spanks me anytime he feels the urge and that's about every day. I wouldn't have it any other way. He has never sadistically forced anal sex on me. That is dangerous as Ali said. Mr. LovingDD is probably some single sadist not in a loving relationship.
To illustrate my point Sean just led me my wrist into our bedroom and spanked me for not putting things back in place after he made a repair in the master bath. Short, light and a precursor of what is to come before dinner. :)
Claire
I could relate to every word you wrote. I have felt all of those emotions. It's okay to feel all of that; it's not okay to give up. Sometimes it does feel like a game or a joke. It never becomes perfect; it is a CONSTANT work in progress.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about giving up control 100%. That will always be a struggle; a continual struggle. And your HOH will never be the perfect Dominant. He doesn't need to be. He just needs to keep at it and so do you.
Relax and let your HOH lead. If he isn't spanking long enough or hard enough or keeping you emotionally controlled enough, you simply have to let him know. Tell him, "I need to feel your strength." And he should understand that he needs to step in.
You said you felt "cut off from him." Was that during discipline? And BTW, that is also a common thing that happens. Sometimes you will love him with your life and sometimes you will hate him. (Not really hate, but you know what I mean!) Every emotion you describe is classic.
You said you cut him off and he was hurt and mad. That is exactly when you need to communicate. And what's funny about communicating, (and I'm married to a lawyer too) is that communication is just like an onion. It peels apart in layers. (That's a cliche, but it's true.) You start communicating about one thing and then a layer peels off and reveals something deeper in your soul. So it's important to tell him just the goofy stuff at the top of the onion because it will lead to deeper layers.
I'm loving Claire's comments, but I had to laugh when she said that I said Mr. LDD was probably a single sadist. I NEVER said that! I may have implied something like that, but didn't really mean to. I used to read his ALDD community blog, but I no longer do. I do however like his LDD blog a lot and read it often. I think he has very good information.
I just think that each couple has to figure this out for themselves. It took me a long time to come to terms with that. After all, it's easy to take the easy way out and just follow someone else's rules. But really, my HOH has never gone for that. And he has taught me, without any words at all, to do the same.
I kind of get the impression (and I could be wrong) that Claire's relationship is a bit more erotic when it comes to DD. Mine is NOT. When my HOH sternly tells me something; I am very careful to behave. But he normally lets me get away with a lot! There are many times that I'm sassy to him and he doesn't do anything at all. I have to really misbehave and be out of line to get punished.
Although............I would definitly be punished harshly if I ever hung up on him! THAT was naughty! My HOH would have done the identical same thing yours did!
On the Marriage Bliss site, the All Knowing Man says that a sub can stop this at any time she wants. BUT...she can only do it once! So basically, if you tell your HOH it's over, then you can never live this lifestyle again. Now, come on, you know you don't want to do that. This has already had a positive impact on your marriage. Yes, it's had a million ups and downs in two weeks, but it's had a profound impact on your marriage and your daily thoughts. Don't give that up! If you look at the overall large picture - it's been good.
One last thing. I'm just an arm-chair phsycologist. Be careful about taking to heart anything that anyone posts on your blog. Yeah, it's fun to get feedback and learn from other "like" minds about this, but I don't know anything about you, your HOH, or your marriage.
Good Luck! I look forward to reading your next entry. You can always just "post comments" back to us if you like. That's what the "All Knowing Man" does on his blog. Now THERE'S an interesting guy! I like his thoughts, but he's a rambler.