Thursday, June 4, 2009

So the evening did go as planned. My HOH came home and was very happy with all of the work I accomplished around the house today. So far, so good. He even offered and made dinner for the family. Still good. We all ate together and the kids were in rare form. I think my son might be getting sick because he basically threw a tantrum for 90 minutes straight. This clearly was weighing on our nerves. After the kids went to bed my HOH started to show his stress. At first, he was complaining about all of the stress he’s dealing with at work. Then it evolved into all of the work he’s been doing and that he still has so much work to do around the house. This really pissed me off. The house is clean. CLEAN. Seriously, there was maybe 30 minutes of putting away the clothes on the dresser and straightening up the kids’ rooms at bedtime. There were four big, heavy trash bags in the kitchen full of all of the crap I threw out while cleaning out the pantry. He’s been in a ridiculously cranky SOB mood, pretty much nonstop since the weekend. Maybe not the entire time, but I have to admit that it seems that way to me.

I know he’s dealing with a lot of shit at work. I get that. I know he’s tired. But, whether as a result of LDD or not, I feel extremely reactive to his mood swings and they are pushing me far and away from him. I feel such a disconnect as a result of all of this tension. I feel attacked and alienated by his attitudes and behaviors. I was doing the dishes and my sciatic was giving me problems, so I asked him if he minded finishing them up so I could lie down. He told me that was fine with him. Less than five minutes later he says “I’m glad you are enjoying laying down while I am still doing all of this work.” Seriously? WTF??? The entire night went like that. I know he’s not intentionally taking out his aggravations on me, but I am getting hit by the crossfire. I am just tired of it all. I am definitely pulling away from submission. It is too vulnerable a place to be in. I simply don’t feel confident under his control. He’s been too careless with himself over the past few days. I am questioning whether we were in the right place to start LDD. Maybe we need a break??? Suggestions? If you would like to read his side- I don’t know if he’s blogged about it yet- his page is www.lovemylddwife.blogspot.com

Needless to say, there was no maintenance discipline tonight.
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 5, 2009 at 2:48 PM

    You might be moving to fast especially with the aldd book - that's bdsm and annal sex forced on you is not acceptable and can injure you by rupturing the small intestine or causing incontenance - ask a Doctor before participating in these activities.

    My advise would be try a stress releif spanking, usually given to releive the wifes stress but can also help the husband. My husband says it helps him. There are times when he tells me he's stressed and needs to spank me - I don't mind because it helps both of us. Some times if it's to releive my stress I do need to be spanked to tears but my husband always lets me decide that, he ask me how things are going durring the spanking a stress relief spanking does not have to be painful, it should never be something you dread. There are days he comes home from work takes one look at me and says - I think you need to go over my lap - meaning stress releif spanking. He's always been right. He says he would rather spank me 10 x a day then have a stressed out wife - LOL not that I've ever needed that many. Of course every woman and every man is different. Don't expect your first stress releif spanking to be perfect, it will take your husband and you some time to figure out what you need.

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  2. UnknownJune 5, 2009 at 9:37 PM

    It seems to me (as a therapist) that the fact that your son was allowed to throw a tantrum for 90 minutes was probably a huge trigger. Put that on top of coming home to a house that isn't in order and all he feels is chaos all around him. You will probably need to step up your household and motherly skills and make the homecoming a welcome one for him every day. I bet if you or your husband spanked your son he wouldn't have cried for a whole hour and a half. And a tantrum is nerve wrecking. I couldn't live like that, sorry. Not only does he need for you to respect him but he needs to be able to respect you too. Kids need to feel order instead of chaos too. Good luck!!!

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